Today the Holy Spirit had it on my heart to be very transparent with you all. I pray my story will help you.
Many of you know my story; I didn’t grow up in the church or with any type of spiritual background. I got saved when I was 26 in 2005 after God had sent a series of people into my life to lead me to Him. When I first got saved I didn’t have any type of foundation, I didn’t start attending church even until about 6 months after I was saved because I still had some thoughts about “the church” and “church folks”. I didn’t read my bible regularly at this time because it was difficult for me to understand, so I started my foundation with God learning Him. Waking up in the morning talking to Him telling Him how much I loved Him, speaking to Him throughout the day about whatever was going on or just to say hello, and every night He was the last person I spoke to. So for me it was like I was having a relationship with another person, that is how I started to learn God and it became a great love affair. During this time I had many supernatural experiences, and the gifts of the spirit were manifesting in me, and even though I didn’t really understand what was happening I flowed with it because I knew it was God, and He was showing me things.
As time went on He led me to a church, and I started to get a foundation in the Word. The church He led me to was a very relationship oriented church, it was not about religion it was about relationship with God, so that furthered my growth in and with God. So I begin to grow in God and flow in the power and anointing, just from loving on God, from Worshiping Him, and from making Him my top priority everyday, I loved being in love with the Father! Then the Lord had me move to Chicago. A lot happened when I first came here the first 8 months were a battle. It was extremely difficult, but the Lord led me to an awesome church where I heard the message of faith preached, so I was able to learn to overcome those things, and my faith really started to grow.
Then about 6 months ago something just wasn’t sitting right in me. I couldn’t figure out what it was, I didn’t feel as connected to God as I used to. It was like something was missing. Through these feelings I became discouraged and I stopped regularly doing some of the things that I was supposed to do, and let other things like TV take up my time, it was like I was trying to block out the cry in my heart so I didn’t have to think about what was happening because I didn’t know how to fix it. During this time I was still serving the Lord, praying, going to church, ministering, operating in my gifts, etc, but the spark was gone. Then I felt like I didn’t want to do it anymore, I didn’t want to minister, I wanted to quit school, I just wanted to give it all up, not because I wanted to go back to things of the world, but because I couldn’t go for the Lord with what seemed like a whole in my heart, I felt like a phony……… But GOD, of course you know when things seem at their worst, God has you set up! He used a fellow class mate to send me to a worship service at another church. It was amazing and it was all about loving God, not thinking about things, only thinking about Him. After I attended this service, it seemed like the message of love was all around me. I kept hearing people talk about loving God and giving Him our hearts, and it finally clicked in my head, I realized what I had lost…The love affair. I realized that I had started going through routine and had stopped romancing my King. This hit me so hard and I was grieved, but also relieved because I had the answer. So I went before God and asked for forgiveness. I poured my heart out to Him, I begin to just worship Him, and tell Him how much I loved Him, and it was like a weight lifted and I was filled with so much joy. I knew our love affair had been restored. This was only two weeks ago, but since then the power and anointing I was operating in when I was first saved came back like a flood, and my gifts manifested in an even deeper way, in this process of restoration God took me to a new level in Him. It has been wonderful! I’m saying all of this to say, if you have been in the same position as I was in, or you feel like something is missing, look at your love relationship with God, are you romancing Him, are you loving on Him? If not, let there be no condemnation, just do as I did go before Him. He will not be angry, in fact it brings Him great joy to be restored to that place with you. God so desires to have that intimate relationship with Him, if you don’t have that or have never experienced that before all you have to do is ask Him and give Him your whole heart, and it will happen. God bless!
Tracy Houston
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